The Blame Game

Marie Kondo, the queen of organizing, provides an additional lesson that we can apply to our personal lives. She says that clients often ask her how they can keep their homes tidy when someone else who lives with them (e.g., spouse, child, or roommate) are really the ones who cause the untidiness.

Marie Kondo responds that everyone still is responsible for organizing their own things, within their own space, no matter what. They can leave other people's things alone as it is those other people's business how they organize their own things. 
 
Marie Kondo then pointed out that, almost all the time, the person asking this question, contrary to their assertion, indeed had contributed to the general untidiness of their home.
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This applies to our lives as well - and not just regarding cleaning. Many of us tend to focus on another person’s untidiness / issues, often to avoid addressing our own. Well, unfortunately, when we do not address our own untidiness / issues and instead hastily stuff our things into the attic, eventually our things begin to escape and show up in unexpected ways. 

I will give you a personal example. 

During an Akashic consultation, I asked, "What is one thing that is preventing my spiritual growth?" and - to my surprise - I expected the answer to be, "your husband." Well, that wasn't the answer at all. 

Through some more guidance and insights received during the session, I began understanding that I had not cleared up issues of feeling disempowered and unsupported that stemmed from childhood and, thus, attributed these feelings to how my husband treated me - even though there was no basis in reality for doing so.


In a later reading, I also recognized that I had clung onto the narrative that in a marriage, the wife is the victim. I knew that I held onto this narrative even before I had met my husband but thought that by marrying him, as he is the antithesis (or exact opposite) of the abuser archetype, I had cleared this narrative.

Well I hadn't cleared it as I had not consciously explored why I held onto this narrative, faced the emotions related to it, nor engaged in a process where I intended to clear and let go. Rather, I had stuffed my unresolved issues into the attic and thus, they still sometimes popped up in my marriage in the form of misguided anger and unreasonable resentment and blame.

Through this example, I also realized how I could benefit from when I played the blame game (i.e., convince myself that a situation is someone else's issue). I see that as a sign to explore what *I* need to work on within myself. (To reference an old saying, when you point a finger at someone, there are three pointed back at you.) 

Through Akashic readings and energy work (which helped me let go of unnecessary baggage and unhealthy energies I had held onto), I cleared much of these issues. I now feel more empowered, positive, and uplifted, and have fostered a much more positive, fulfilling marriage that is not as polluted by my own issues.
 
This week, I encourage us to devote some time and energy intentionally focusing on ourselves, by seeing what comes up when we ask ourselves what we need to do to organize our things and tidy up our lives - whatever that might mean to you.

One tool to help you clear some space for self-reflection is meditation – which provides a time for you to let go of constant self-talk and anxiety and instead focus on your breath and relaxing back into your body. 

While that may not seem practical for everyone, I challenge us to take just 5-10 minutes out of our busy days to center ourselves. One way to do this is by pausing and focusing on your breath or stating affirmations. A simple breathing meditation is to breathe in for 5 counts, hold your breathe for 5 counts, breathe out for 5 counts, and then repeat (you can change 5 to whatever number is most comfortable for you). It'll definitely be worth it!